In 2017, a year I entitled the Final Descent, I had an experience that defined me for life. It came after a multi-day writing session that left me numb from the neck up. Exhausted, I decided to turn on the television, lay on the couch, and relax. After a few minutes of channel surfing, I came across a religious station and noticed a pastor talking about his book ‘The Comeback.’ He was discussing how he made his comeback from the brink of what he thought was death. It turns out it was his comeback from a real phobia he was suffering called the ‘Fear of Death.’ The true name of this phobia is ‘Thanatophobia’, an abnormal, intense, or irrational fear of death. When this phobia grips you, it can literally kill you through mental stress and a myriad of physical ailments.

     I personally know of this fear as I mentioned in an earlier blog when I discussed my experience as a kid preparing to play Pop Warner football. Being labeled with high blood pressure at the age of eight and being left alone to ponder my condition led me to all types of negative life scenarios, including an early death. I believe it was in that moment that Thanatophobia took hold of my life.  Freud said that people who express death related fears are trying to deal with unresolved childhood conflicts that they cannot come to terms with or express emotions towards. Wow! I now started to realize that getting back home to the Garden was going to entail facing and conquering my fear of death. But was I ready?

     Rewind to that scene on the couch. After contemplating my own struggle with Thanatophobia, I started to drift off into a cloud of despair. When would I be free from this fear that has gripped my heart since childhood? Would I ever truly experience true peace in my heart, the kind that Jesus promises to those who follow? I did not have the answers so, I closed my eyes and began to pray, “Papa, please help me to eradicate this fear from my heart! I want to know that peace that Jesus promised and to walk in freedom no matter what the circumstances are in my life! Please Papa, I am so tired of carrying this fear and I don’t know if I’ll have the strength to finish the journey back home with this added weight!”  My angst wasn’t a pity party; it was a cry for help!  And my pleas lasted throughout the night until I finally fell asleep.

     The next morning was loaded with a full schedule that included a trip into Atlanta. Upon entering my car, I noticed that I was low on fuel, so I headed to the nearest gas station. Arriving at the pump, I swiped my credit card and begin refueling. And here’s where it gets eerily amazing. As I started to pump the gas the screen on the pump began to display an assortment of messages and advertisements. I’m not really noticing at first but one message pops up that catches my eye.  It is from Dictionary.com and it reads “the word of the day.”  Ready for this! The word of the day on that particular morning, at that particular time, at that particular gas station was, ‘ATARAXIA.’  Definition – a state of freedom from emotional disturbance and anxiety; tranquility. Come on man! Are you kidding me!!! Coincidence? I think not. Who could orchestrate that circumstance so perfectly but God!!! I had spent the last eighteen hours thinking and dreaming about how to be delivered from the fear of death and there in front of me was the answer. ‘Ataraxia!’

     But how exactly does one make the transition from thanatophobia to ataraxia? What does that process look like and what does it demand from me and you? Maybe that’s what the final descent is all about.  Ok, this blog is a bit of a cliff hanger but stay tuned for part two. You will not be disappointed.

Dario L. Perla