All of us have dealt with adversity as a child, some more than others. Many of us know firsthand that growing up in a home filled with daily stress can result in many maladies later in life. Researchers over the past 30 years have documented a correlation between childhood stress and onset adult health conditions such as cancer, heart disease and auto immune diseases. No one had to convince me of this reality as I have experienced it in my own life.
It saddens me to admit, but the constant barrage of childhood stress in the form of condemnation and negativity drove me to seek refuge in my own personal cave hidden deep in the Wasteland. I retreated there for protection from the chaos experienced at home and sat there in loneliness and fear for the better part of my life growing up. It wasn’t until years later when I finally decided to let go of the pain from my past that God began to heal and mature me through His restoration power.
But before I get too far ahead of myself, let me share a childhood story that illustrates the point I’m trying to make. Although now decades old it is a vivid as if it happened yesterday. I was eight years old, and it was the day I was scheduled to undergo a physical so I could play pop warner football. All the other players who signed up for the team were also there to get their physical. To tell the truth, I was excited. It would give me a chance to meet my potential teammates and begin a new chapter in my life – playing organized sports.
So, after all the kids arrived, we formed a line and waited our turn to see the doctor, get examined and hopefully the okay to play. It was finally my turn and I headed to the examination room to have my height and weight taken, my eyes and ears checked, and my heart and blood pressure monitored. All seemed innocent enough until the doctor unwrapped the blood pressure monitor from my skinny little arm and said in a low grunting voice, “Hmmm.” What do you mean, “Hmmm” I thought. “You didn’t say that to any of the other kids!” The next thing I heard coming from the doctor’s mouth was directed at my mom and imprinted me for life. “His blood pressure is quite high. Have him go sit outside alone for a bit and see if he can calm down”
And there I sat. Waiting outside the doctor’s office, wearing an old t-shirt, baggy shorts, and a raggedy pair of sneakers! Fear and anxiety had gripped me and all I could do was look down and stare at my feet swinging back and forth like a ticking time bomb. “Why me,” I exclaimed. None of the other kids have anything wrong with them. Why am I the only one who’s sick? Why can’t I be just be normal like everyone else?
I assure you that leaving a scared eight-year-old boy all alone in isolation to calm himself down is not the answer. But metaphorically that’s what I’ve been doing all life growing up – isolating myself in my mind to escape the stresses at home; hoping against hope that things would get better.
Now I don’t think my mom or doctor knew what I was going through during those traumatic moments. How could they. My battle was internal. But God sees through the external to the depths of one’s soul and so He heard my cry and understood my despair. Looking back, I think staring down at those old raggedy sneakers was the starting point for setting a new direction in my life. It was the recognition that God empathized with my pain and loved me too much to leave me alone to wallow in it. And so began a lifelong quest to deal with my past and the childhood stresses that reverberated through adulthood.
No, it has not been easy, but recovery, growth and maturity never are. I am not done, and God continues to restore my soul daily as I regain what was lost those many years ago. Maybe some of you reading this have had your own raggedy sneaker moment. Let that be the catalyst to start you on your journey back home to the Garden where health and happiness reign, and no shoes are required.
Dario L. Perla