Years into my ‘quest to love,’ I experienced an amazing epiphany. Truth be told, it was subtle at first but gained momentum over time. You see, my life patterns and perspectives were moving away from behavior modification towards character transformation. It was a spiritual crossing which I did not expect but am so ever grateful to have experienced. And it is no exaggeration to say that it turned me from being a caterpillar to a butterfly! Intrigued? Read on.

     When I became a believer in Jesus Christ in 1994, I remember saying to myself, “Okay, I am now a Christian, but I still feel like the old me. I am not thinking good thoughts all the time and certainly not acting on them consistently.” Distraught, I knew I needed to change if this conversion thing was going to stick, so I forced myself to behave like, well, a Christian. Enthused, I embarked on a path of behavior modification. I started to do the right thing and stopped doing the wrong thing whether I wanted to or not; and in the process all would be well, and I would be good. Simple idea right; but a crippling one as well. Modifying my behavior to fit in and prove my worth to God and others was a brutal and exhausting way to live. And after fifteen years, my tank was empty. I was gassed!

     Upon reflection it was clear that no amount of behavior modification was going to turn this caterpillar into a butterfly. No matter how hard I tried to glue wings on my back this bug would not fly! True flight would only take place through inward transformation. An internal change would need to precede external action. A new perspective would need to ground any acts of piety. And like my caterpillar counterparts, I too would need to enter the cocoon and undergo chrysalis.

     Now fair warning. Chrysalis can be a difficult experience. It can be fraught with times of darkness and loneliness as you wait and persevere through the trials and tribulations that will transform your inner being. Some will resent this process and exit the cocoon too early to remain a caterpillar the rest of their lives. Others will not be able to manage the solitude and try to escape the chrysalis prematurely, only to emerge in an underdeveloped and weakened state. But for those who persevere, they will emerge with matured characters and a Godly perspective.

     As any gardener knows, caterpillars have voracious appetites and can destroy a garden, but butterflies beautify, pollinate, and flourish it. So, as we sojourn back to the Garden remember to be a butterfly. Only then can you have the freedom and perspective that comes with flying above the Wasteland below.

Dario L. Perla